the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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