Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
