the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
