Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
