shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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