i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
