On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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