so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
