Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
