I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
