Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
