Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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