You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize