Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
where does the pee come out of this thing
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
