And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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