Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
