If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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