Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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