i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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