there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
me + whiskey = a bad person
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
