Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
