What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
