I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize