i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
