Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
