The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
