How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
