he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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