I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
