Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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