i jhust puked up my retainher.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
