Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
