Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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