brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
