Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize