wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
