my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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