Sry I called you an 8
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
