this beer tastes like vomit already
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
