Life is so much better after having sex.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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