He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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