Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
