He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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