i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
