and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
