There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
