Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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