the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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