So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
