Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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