I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
