Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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