Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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