dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
