if i can run in heels then i can drive
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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