Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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