Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
