Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
