if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
That's when you crack a 10am beer
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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