I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
