It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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