What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize