I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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