Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
