I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
