sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
