I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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